Several weeks ago FEMA gave a press conference in which FEMA employees played the press and asked the hard hitting questions. Last week Senator Hillary Clinton’s campaign staff planted a question with a college student that was asked and answered. According to a couple of political consultants on the news the other day, campaign staffs do this all the time - find a friendly supporter, give them a softball question, rehearse the candidate (preferably with a line that becomes a great sound byte for YouTube) and bingo! You have control of your message. Makes sense to me, so much so that I give you an exclusive and in-depth interview of Dennis C. Smith by me that we conducted on Dennis' front porch.
Me: Thank you for taking the time to meet with me Dennis, it is very generous of you to give your time like this.
Dennis: My pleasure! While difficult, I always try to find time for Me.
Me: I appreciate that. Let me start this interview by saying I will be asking some difficult questions. First let’s start with some yes or no questions. Does the light in the refrigerator go off when you close the door?
Dennis: I do not know, I presume so but I cannot say conclusively. I would be willing to support a study of the process to determine exactly who is affected if the light does go off, but at this time I cannot say for sure.
Me: Yes or no please, does the light go off when you shut the door?
Dennis: Yes, it should, unless of course it is manufactured in such a way that it does not.
Me: I think we have established you cannot answer a question with a simple yes or no.
Dennis: Yes I can, unless the question is such that it requires a more in depth answer or background so the answer is understood.
Me: Let’s try something more personal. How would you describe your musical tastes?
Dennis: Very sophisticated.
Me: Would you care to elaborate on that.
Dennis: No.
Me: Do you like Rock? Disco? Jazz? Pop? Classical? Rap? What style do you like?
Dennis: Yes and no, depends.
Me: Let me try this. You are driving to Vegas, what is in the CD player?
Dennis: Who am I driving with? If I am with college buddies going for a guys weekend it has the Bee-Gees, Barry Manilow, ABBA, Oklahoma!, Sinatra Duets and REO Speedwagon.
Me: What if you are going with Leslie, your wife.
Dennis: Bee-Gees, Barry Manilow, ABBA, Oklahoma!, Sinatra Duets and REO Speedwagon.
Me: That is the same selection you would play with your college buddies, what difference does it make who is with you?!?
Dennis: What order I play them in. You see, Steve my old roommate prefers to hear Barry first, whereas Leslie..
Me: Let’s move on. You follow politics. What is your take on the Presidential elections?
Dennis: I don’t think all the candidates are being asked difficult questions. It often seems like the interviewer is too close to them, you know?
Me: No, I don’t follow that, but let me ask you what your opinion is of the candidates thus far.
Dennis: “Thus far.” Very smart, you are very bright.
Me: Thank you, so are you. And handsome.
Dennis: You make me blush, but where was I. My opinion of the candidate, thus far, is that they are a lot of them and a lot of time left before we have to vote and isn’t it fun to watch them not answer questions, offer solutions, blame someone for everything who cannot run in the race and say the same thing as the other guy but just change the order of the words.
Me: Sort of like having the same CDs in your car but playing them in different order.
Dennis: I don’t get your analogy, but it is sort of like listening to an album on your iPod on “random” and instead of “Fernando” then “Waterloo” then “Dancing Queen” you get “Health Care Reform” then “Comprehensive Immigration Reform” then “Global Warming” the difference is the ABBA songs have substance and meaning.
Me: If the candidates are always saying the same thing differently, do you think there is the possibility for a third party candidate to ever win the White House?
Dennis: Sure, if they can raise several hundred million dollars, are enough in the middle at a time the Republican and Democratic nominees have gone way towards their fringes and no one turns out. The key is competing with the money which is impossible with campaign finance laws that benefit incumbents and the parties. It would also help if they adopted “Copacabana” for their theme song—it deals with immigration issues.
Me: Thank you for giving a substantive answer.
Dennis: Sorry about that. Yes.
Me: (sigh) Let’s take a change in course. Do you pass gas in bed?
Dennis: (voice raised) That was a planted question! Who put you up to that? Who do you work for? This interview is over.
Me: A little too defensive on that answer…final question. Cake or pie?
Dennis: No brainer, pie. Bake N Broil, I just wish they made Butterscotch Cream more often.
Me: Thank you for your time. I think this has been very informative.
Dennis: Thank you, I appreciate your professionalism and objectivity.
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